For some strange reason listening to Only Shadows Now brings to mind that scene from Insomnia where Al Pacino tries desperately to shut out the blinding light of the Alaskan sun. I have never cared much for that particular movie. In fact, I cannot remember ever having watched it from start to finish. But each time I allow myself to drift within the mind of Robert Vagg, via his project Wonderfuls, that scene hits me and torments me until the music stops. Being unable to sleep is a particular fear of mine, and it disturbs me that Vagg is able to stir it within me.
Wonderfuls has always been a brilliantly tormented project. However, it is not desperately tormented, as Pacino is in Insomnia. Vagg has always been matter-of-fact in his descriptions of the darkness that engulfs him. But where his work does draw a parallel with the unrelenting Alaskan sun is in the inescapability of its drawling melancholy. There is a rawness to each and every half-spoken, half-sung line that passes Vagg’s lips. Wonderfuls has never been easy listening. Each record has, through its entirety, dared me to turn it off and leave the record to gather dust on the shelf. Vagg wastes no time reasserting the pattern on Only Shadows Now, with opener 'Sit with me' proclaiming "Nobody wants to sit with me anymore – it’s okay I’ll sit here in the darkness by myself." In the process of writing this review, there were many times I did not make it past that very first song.
It is not that Wonderfuls is not engaging. It is more that it is, and that in being so engaging we are drawn into Vagg’s darkness. Such is the construction of each and every track that it is futile to attempt in any way to gloss over his brutal, tormented honesty, nor his matter-of-fact acceptance of a wholly bleak existence. His vocals are at the centre, more often than not feeling like the only thing that holds together the meandering instrumentation that guides them. To disregard them would be to lose everything that Wonderfuls is, leaving an assortment of instruments – that clash, discord and occasionally delight – without meaning. This is not to say that Dan McGirr and Natasha Buchanan have not contributed meaningfully, rather that their instrumentation has served its purpose perfectly.
Ten years on from its beginning as Vagg’s post psych-ward therapy, Wonderfuls' work is no less dark than when it began; as much is acknowledged in the album’s description, stating "time hasn’t healed the wounds, they’ve only become deeper." Rehabilitation has not offered Vagg solace, only deeper torment. Only Shadows Now delves into loneliness, isolation, nonconformity and hopelessness to a point that 'Car Park' – Vagg’s description of the completely unfulfilling pastime of waiting in line for a park – almost feels like comic relief. But it is not. It is simply another demonstration of the futility and hopelessness with which Vagg is presented each day.
Wonderfuls is an exercise in therapy and as such does not aim to be widely relatable, but there is something deeply relatable in each of Only Shadows Now's 10 tracks. Vagg captures, and draws from you, those dark moments that haunt your psyche, leaving you no option but to confront them, as he confronts them on a day-to-day basis. Like the Alaskan sun, he offers no respite.